


Shame/Less

by sexylibrarian1



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Bodily function control, Consensual Sex, F/M, Graphic description of bodily function, Knotting, Mentions of birth control, Mentions of neglect, Swearing, a/b/o dynamics, mentions of abuse, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-23 08:09:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10715556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sexylibrarian1/pseuds/sexylibrarian1
Summary: You are an Omega with the mind of an Alpha. Abused in your childhood, you've set out to destroy the one thing that makes you, you--your heats. Unfortunately, all you've done is make them nearly constant. While seeking some urgent medical attention, you meet the most unique Alpha you have ever come across.





	1. One

**2017**

“Y/N? _Y/N?”_

You could barely hear Wanda over your own screaming. Pain radiated throughout your entire body, coupled with a blinding need that you hadn’t felt since you were fifteen and away from home.

            One minute you’d been curled up on the couch, watching a movie, and the next, you were curled up on the floor, hands over your abdomen, your pajama pants utterly soaked.

            “Y/N?” Wanda skidded up to you and dropped to her knees, still clutching the spare key to your house. “What the _fuck_ happened?”

            With a supreme effort, you turned over onto your back, sobbing breathlessly. “I… I don’t know…”

            She got back up, ran to your bedroom, and rooted through your drawers. “…You forgot a pill.”

            “Which… which one-”

            “I don’t fucking know!” she snapped, and came back to kneel beside you. “If you wouldn’t do this to yourself, I wouldn’t have to try to figure it out!”

            “Wanda…”

            “You need help, Y/N.”

            “No, I just-”

            “Y/N. You’re a (your age) year old Omega who has never had an Alpha in her life. You’re constantly in heat, which is the exact opposite of what you wanted your pills to do. I know you can tolerate it on a normal day, honey, but you’re not gonna just get over this. You’re barely listening to me. Let’s go.”

            “Go… where?”

            “To the Avengers. Tony Stark and Bruce Banner can help you.”

            _“What?”_

“Not like _that,_ dork, they’re a bonded pair. They’re not gonna touch you. But one is a doctor and one is a scientist. If you really don’t want an Alpha, they can at least help you get through this.”

            You made a face, which Wanda interpreted correctly. “If you want a hysterectomy, Y/N… they won’t question.”

            You moaned, longing, relief, pain, and need all wrapped into the one sound.

            “I’ll come back and get your stuff,” Wanda reassured you, then grabbed a blanket, wrapped you in it, and helped you up. You leaned heavily on her and the two of you shuffled to the door.

            Wanda got you in her car, buckled you in, then went back to lock your door. You saw her pull out her phone and speak to someone, nod, and hang up.

            “What…?”

            “I was just checking with Nat,” she answered, smiling reassuringly. “We have a new Alpha in the house. He and Steve just got back from Wakanda, but he’s gone right now. He went back to where he grew up, and he shouldn’t be home for another few days.”

            “Nat…?”

            “Is bonded to me, remember?” Wanda patted your shoulder. “You’re fine. Maybe a little out of your mind at the moment, but fine. No one is going to hurt you.”

            You leaned heavily to the side, tears leaking out of your eyes. “…Pills…”

            “Absolutely not.”

            Your eyes widened.

            “Y/N, you need those flushed out of your system. You need to go back into normal heat cycles.”

            _“No!”_

“I don’t have time to do this right now,” Wanda muttered, speeding through the streets. Briefly, you wondered why she didn’t have ten police cars on her tail, ready to arrest her for speeding, but then supposed that you should thank the universe for small mercies. “We’ll go in the back entrance, okay?”

            You nodded. Wanda did exactly that, screeching into the parking garage and half-carrying you to the back elevator. It went up so fast that whatever part of your stomach that wasn’t in pain managed to flip horribly.

            “Do not throw up on me.”

            You groaned.

            “I don’t know what you actually meant to say, but I can guess it was fuck you, so fuck you right back,” she retorted, giving you a small smile. “You’re gonna be okay, Y/N. I promise.”

            The elevator beeped and opened, and Wanda led you down the hall. “JARVIS!”

            “Yes, Miss Maximoff?”

            “Please inform Tony Stark and Bruce Banner that I’m bringing in someone who needs immediate medical attention.”

            “Right away.” JARVIS beeped, and you stared, making a shaky mental note to ask Wanda about that later.

            _“Wanda—_ oh, _shit.”_ That was Nat, and she stopped in her tracks, staring at you and her bonded mate. “Stay right there, don’t fucking move.”

            “Nat, we need to-”

            “She can’t go through the Tower like that. Bucky’s back early. And he’s in a rut.”

            Wanda went utterly white. “Where is he?”

            “In the gym.”

            _“Which one?”_

“The one upstairs across from Tony’s lab.”

            “Nat? Where did you— _oh.”_

            “Steve, can you keep Bucky out?”

            You flinched at the sight of Captain America, reddening horribly at your ruined state.

            “Yeah… yeah, I can, don’t worry, honey, I’m a Beta.” He gave you a weak smile, meant to reassure you. Instead, it just made you feel worse. “But you really smell. What… what happened? Are you okay?”

            “She’s been repressing her heats,” Wanda answered him softly. “She missed a pill today… and it just…”

            “Took her over.”

            “We’re here!” Tony Stark and Bruce Banner, both looking like they hadn’t slept in seventy-two hours, barged up, but both instantly reared backward. “Sweetheart, you reek…”

            “She’s been repressing her heats,” Wanda repeated, but she was looking past all of them into the empty hallway.

            “I did not know you could do that,” Tony said, blinking rapidly.

            “It’s… not recommended,” you choked out, sick of everyone talking around you.

            “Then why did you do it?” Tony came to your other side, supporting you.

            “That’s a long story, and frankly, it’s none of your…” Wanda’s words trailed off.

            “What the _hell_ is going on here?”


	2. Two

Your knees abruptly buckled as the scent of an Alpha in a rut filled your senses, and you bit down on your fist to stop the scream from leaving your mouth. Wanda and Tony still had a hold of you, but their grips had lightened; everyone in the hallway was completely frozen.

            “She… she needs help, Bucky.”

            “Obviously.” It was a feral growl, and you lifted your eyes to the Alpha standing in front of you.

            He was _huge._ Not just tall, but _big._ He was wearing nothing but sweatpants, and his muscles rippled with every move he made. Sweat dripped off of his chest, making his smell even worse. Long, messy dark hair hung in his face, but it didn’t completely hide his sharply cut jawline and his disturbingly gray eyes.

            “I’ve never seen an Omega in a heat like that.” His mouth was full and plump, and the thought of it on your cunt nearly made you moan aloud. “What’s been done to you?”

            You whimpered.                       

            “She did it to herself,” Wanda whispered, her grip tightening on your shoulder.

            The Alpha’s nostrils flared, and he took a step toward you.

            “Buck-”

            “Shut up, Stevie,” he interrupted, and suddenly, you and your soaked blanket were in his arms. “Where should I take her?”

            “The infirmary,” Bruce told him, letting out an explosive sigh of relief.

            You cried out, half in need and half in terror at the feel and smell of him, rendered incoherent by it.

            “It’s okay, doll,” the Alpha— _Buck?_ —soothed. “I’m not going to touch you.”

            A sound, something you guessed was supposed to be a scoff, but ended up sounding like a choking breath, escaped your lips. You heard him chuckle, saw the gleam of white teeth briefly as he smiled above you. “I want to,” he admitted, and the pure animalistic desire in his words caused a fresh gush of your slick to soak the blanket. His mouth tightened. “But I won’t. Not if you don’t want me to.”

            You let out a sob. Your stomach contracted, cramping terribly, and you stiffened in his arms, snapping backward. You thought you heard him calling to you, thought you felt his grip tightening on you, but, as you descended into blackness from the pain, you weren’t entirely sure.


	3. Three

The beeping got to you first.

            “Five more minutes,” you muttered groggily, and reached over to turn off your alarm. Instead of that, though, you hit the base of a lamp and sent it toppling.

            “What-”      

            “Y/N?”

            You blinked, realized where you were, and focused on Wanda, who was sitting by your hospital bed and smiling. “…Ow.”

            “I know,” Wanda told you sympathetically. “Tony, Bruce, and Dr. Cho flushed all of the pills out of your system.”

            A wave of horror crashed through you, and before you thought about it, you attempted to sit up. The consequence was an unbelievable throb of pain throughout your entire body, and you collapsed back onto the mattress, breathless.

            “Yeah, don’t do that,” Wanda said with a small smile. “Look, Y/N, Dr. Cho will give you a hysterectomy. She’s not going to give you that ‘Omegas are made to mate’ bullshit. If it’s what you really want, it’s what you’ll have. But they flushed the pills out of your system and I got rid of the ones at your house. You were destroying your own body. They had to do some surgery…” Wanda patted your hand, trying to soothe you. “You’ve been out for a week and a half. You’re fine now. You’re not in heat. And Bucky’s not in a rut.” She smirked. “He stayed by your bed for two full days.”

            “…Why?”

            “He was worried.”

            “I don’t need taken care of,” you snapped, and then gave Wanda an apologetic glance. “I just-”

            “That’s just the kind of man he is,” Steve interjected, standing in the doorway, a smile on his face. “Glad to see you’re up. How do you feel?”

            “Fine. You can tell _Bucky_ that I don’t need shit from him.”

            “He’s going to do it whether you want him to or not,” Steve retorted, a nostalgic flicker in his eye. “He used to do it all the time to me. Of course, he also made me ride the damn Cyclone and I threw up for ten minutes straight, but he took care of me even though I said I didn’t need him to.”

            “I thought you said you were a Beta.”

            “I am,” Steve answered. “But he didn’t do it because he was an Alpha and I was a Beta. He did it because I was a skinny, sick kid who couldn’t stop getting my ass kicked in alleyways. I was always getting in fights—I’d see a dame getting catcalled by guys, or see a little kid getting picked on—I’d have to go defend them. It was a disease; that’s what Bucky called it. The one disease I had he said he couldn’t stand.”

            You smiled, just a little, remembering the Smithsonian exhibit on Captain America that you had visited once. According to that exhibit, Steve Rogers had always had the Captain’s heart, but not his body. “So… Bucky kept you in line.”

            “Not really,” Steve said, and chuckled. “He tried. But he failed. A lot. Wasn’t his fault, I was always doing stupid shit.”

            “…Why did he do that if you weren’t an Omega?”

            “The world isn’t divided into Alphas, Betas, and Omegas, Y/N,” Steve admonished you gently. “Well—I guess it is—and normal humans, you know, but… people don’t do things just because of the labels we give them.”

            You turned red. Wanda came to your rescue. “She didn’t exactly… grow up in an environment that promoted healthy thinking, Cap.”

            He took a couple of steps toward you, and you flinched automatically, going redder. “What… what happened?”

            “Nothing,” you shot back, your face pink. “It’s none of your business.”     

            Now Steve went pink. “Okay, Y/N… I’m sorry. But Bucky didn’t mean anything by it. He was just worried. We all were.”

            “…You don’t even know me.”

            “Doesn’t stop us from being worried.” He offered you a playful little grin and went back towards the door. “You know, I wish we’d gotten to meet you earlier. How’d you meet Wanda?”

            “She moved in across the street from me about two months ago, and one day when her air conditioning broke and she needed… the cold… I let her come stay at my house.”

            “And the rest is history,” Wanda teased.

            “Hey, everybody,” Dr. Cho greeted, edging past Steve into the room. She was followed by Bruce, who immediately went over to check the machinery by your bed. “How are you feeling, Y/N?”

            “Like I got run over by a truck.”

            “I’m not surprised,” she told you, a trace of reproach in her voice. “After what you were doing to yourself-”

            “Look, I am not in the mood for a lecture from someone I’ve never met before,” you snapped. “All I want is a hysterectomy.”

            “Your menopause could last a couple years, or even longer if you do it now-”

            “I am _fully aware_ and I _do not give a fuck._ ” You stared Dr. Cho down with all the hatred you could muster, and she cringed. “ _Just give me the fucking hysterectomy.”_

“I can do that,” she told you, and you braced yourself, sensing the—

            “But you can’t do it right away.”

            “Why the fuck not?”

            “…Because your body needs to reset itself,” Dr. Cho explained. “You didn’t have normal heats for _years._ We didn’t just have to flush the pills out of your system. We’ve also started you on hormones, and we had to go in and repair damage to your ovaries and uterus. It was kind of like… well, if you were a normal human and you had a period, and you had done what you did to yourself, you would probably end up with a constant period. Spotting every day, maybe always ovulating on top of that… the body is a weird mechanism, and when something goes wrong with it, the ways it tries to set itself right can only end up doing more damage. Because you were trying to stop your heats and you were on so many different types of pills, your body compensated for it by putting you in constant heat. And without… an Alpha… to end it properly, your body panicked. So you need to reset. You need to go through a normal heat. Just one, and then-”

            _“No.”_

“If you don’t do it, the damage may never get fixed-”

            “Who cares about damage, just rip the organs out of me!”

            “Okay, if you want to age fifty years in about two days, I can do that.”

            You froze. “…What?”

            “If I were to just perform a hysterectomy on you,” Dr. Cho started, speaking slowly and deliberately, perhaps attempting to give herself patience, “right now, with no warning, take you immediately off the hormones and remove everything, then you would age maybe fifty years in two days. Or sooner.”

            As the implications of your situation began to sort themselves in your brain, you put your face in your hands, utterly defeated. “So I can’t… I can’t get away from it. I’m never going to be able to be normal.”

            “Don’t say that,” Bruce cut in gently. “Tony and I are working on that. Dr. Cho told us that your heat will be unpredictable, thanks to what your body has been through—it could happen tomorrow, in a couple months, or in a year. We’re hoping we have time to… develop a synthetic… uh…”

            “Penis,” Wanda finally said when Bruce continued to grow more and more purple. “They’re going to develop a synthetic Alpha’s penis for you to use when your heat hits. That way there’s no chance of you actually getting pregnant. It’ll behave just like a normal one, knot and everything.” She sighed. “The problem with that is… it can’t have an Alpha’s scent on it. At least not one that already exists. So they’re going to have to develop a new scent. If you bond with it, great, he won’t exist, so that will be solved. But if we were to just… use Bucky’s… you might become bonded to him… and he to you.”

            “…Oh. So basically, the entire goddamn world is against me.”

            “…We’re not,” Steve corrected, his voice quiet. “None of us are.”


	4. Four

“Hey… can I come in?”

            You jumped at the sultry voice outside your door, dragged out of your self-pitying reverie.

            “Ah… Omega? Miss?”

            “I have a name,” you spat.

            “I know, but you haven’t told me, doll.” You could almost hear the smirk in the Alpha’s words.

            “What do you want?”

            “To see if you’re okay.”

            You sighed. “I guess you can come in… since you asked.”

            The door creaked open and Bucky the Alpha came in, looking surprisingly timid, holding a plastic bag from the grocery store in one hand. For the first time, you got a good long look at him, and were unable to stop yourself from staring. Now you could concentrate on that jawline, the scruff on his face and neck, the long brown hair, neat and clean now, and those unique, gorgeous eyes. He was wearing tight jeans and a red henley with the left sleeve rolled up, revealing an arm made of metal.

            “You’re Bucky _Barnes,”_ you blurted, finally making the connection. “Steve’s best friend… that’s what he said… and you’re the Winter Soldier.”

            He nodded, casting his eyes down.

            “Oh my God, you’re an Alpha… oh, that’s great,” you told him, a smile playing at the corners of your lips. “That’s just what the world needs. An Alpha _supersoldier.”_

“Do you want me to go?” he asked, and you blinked. “I mean… I understand if you don’t want me around… I know what I am.”

            His gaze shot to his left arm, and you blinked, realizing. “Oh! God, no… that’s not what I… I don’t care that you’re the Winter Soldier.”

            He relaxed a little. “You don’t?”

            “No! It’s not like you asked for that,” you soothed. “You didn’t ask for any of it. What was done to you was horrible… and if anyone thinks it’s your fault, they should shove it up their asses.”

            He smiled. “So… can I sit?”

            “Sure.”

            He stuck the grocery bag in the mini-fridge and plopped in the chair. “I still don’t know your name.”

            “Y/N. Y/N, Y/L/N.”

            “Well, Miss Y/F/N, how do you feel?”

            “Better. Like I got hit by an SUV instead of a truck. I’m hoping tomorrow it’ll just be a regular four-door car.”

            He chuckled. Your heart warmed at the sight of his smile, and you put it down to the fact that this man needed—no, deserved—to do that more often. “I’m glad. Um-” He pulled the bag out of the mini-fridge and drew out a gallon of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. “Wanda said this was your favorite flavor… so I got you some.”

            You reached out for it with both hands, touched by the gesture. “Um… I can’t eat all this by myself… do you want to share?”

            He smiled. “Okay.”

 

One week became two, then two turned into a month, and then the months multiplied. To your delight, as time slid into three months, you still did not go into heat, and began to experiment with going out like you hadn’t been able to for years. First, it was only quick trips between the Tower and your own home, and then you worked yourself up to go do something different; you ended up going to see a movie—you’d picked the latest showing, so you were the only one in the theatre—and getting to experience the novelty of seeing something right when it came out.

            Your friendship with Bucky also began to grow. He was as shy and as sheltered as you, in most ways, and so the two of you set out to try and understand the world together. He told you about other countries, places you had never even heard of, the sights he had seen, the food he had eaten. He’d been on a rooftop in Paris at night, about to assassinate a world leader, when he’d looked around him and seen the lights of the city sprinkled below him, complete with the lit Eiffel Tower across from him. You laughed, sheepishly, when he told you that he’d very nearly missed his shot because he’d been too busy staring.

            In return, you showed him the world as you knew it—specifically, the Internet, something you had grown to treasure, a way for you to communicate and travel all without having to leave the safety of your house. Bucky had become especially interested in “life hack” videos, and he used the phrase “back in my day” so much that you started charging him a quarter for every time it slipped out of his mouth. One night, you’d even heard him giggling madly with Steve in the room next door to your own, and ventured over to see them hunched in front of a computer, watching the cat in the shark suit ride the Roomba.

            The only disturbance in your friendship with Bucky Barnes was the fact that he would disappear for a week or so, about once or twice every month. According to Wanda, he went into ruts more often than a regular Alpha did, and they lasted longer, thanks to the serum. Very quickly and almost without your knowledge, you found yourself missing him during these absences, wishing he didn’t have to go. It was a disruption in the little routine of your time together, and a reminder of what you didn’t want to acknowledge—you were an Omega, he was an Alpha, and that was always going to get in the way.

            At the end of a two-week absence, during which he and Steve had been on a mission, you hurried outside, only to see that Steve was by himself.

            “Where’s-”

            “He’s fine, Y/N,” Steve stopped you, gripping your shoulder. “The mission took longer than we expected it to, and he went into a rut. He opted to keep away from the Tower for this one—it was pretty bad.”

            You blinked. “What… what happened?”

            “I think it was the combination of the adrenaline on the mission… and the fact that he hadn’t been near you in two weeks,” Steve answered carefully, keeping a close eye on your expression. “He missed you… and I think you kind of… regulate him.”

            “What.”

            “I’m not exactly sure how to explain it.” Steve’s voice was getting higher, his words speeding up. “It’s just that… I know you guys aren’t doing anything and you’re not bonded, but… he likes you. You keep him calm. Happy. His body recognizes that… and he’s on a better schedule than he’s ever been, since before HYDRA got to him.”

            “I’m not a goddamn birth control pill, and he’s not a girl on her period!”

            “Obviously!” Steve shouted, nervous. “But you do help him, Y/N, I’ve never seen him this healthy, in an Alpha way or otherwise! You’re doing wonders for him, just by being his friend. He’s never opened up to me in the way he’s opened up to you.” Steve exhaled deeply, ignoring your furrowed brow. “So… because the mission took a little longer than we wanted it to and he went into a rut… he’s opted to finish it off somewhere besides here.”

            You nodded, stepping back and shoving your way past Wanda and Natasha; on the way, you got a deep breath full of the smell of them, one in rut and the other in heat, bonded to one another, and you almost threw up right then and there.

            _Goddamn it all!_ You slammed your door shut. _Is that all it ever is? Alphas in rut and Omegas in heat? Sex and pregnancy and fucking slavery? It’s fucking disgusting!_

_And Bucky’s in a rut right now…_

_Fucking some other Omega to end it._

Your head lifted abruptly, and you stared at a dark, unmoving speck on the wall, frozen in your realization.

            “No… no!”

 


	5. Five

You’d apologized to Tony so much for the destruction of his Italian furniture in your room that he had grown beyond sick of hearing it, and just to shut you up about paying him back, had taken the jar of quarters on your nightstand. You had a funny feeling that the jar was just sitting on a shelf in his lab, unused, and that he would return it to you once you got over feeling so horrible.

            Bucky had checked in with Steve every night for a week, and on the day he finally came back to the Tower, you were nowhere to be found, not even present for the celebratory dinner that came as a reward for finishing a mission and destroying one more HYDRA base.

            “Doll?”

            You stiffened.

            “Can I come in?”

            “…Yes.”

            He peeked around the door. “Are you okay?”

            “Yes.”

            “You’re not in heat, are you?”

            “No, I’m not,” you retorted, all your frustration suddenly bubbling up at his question. “But that’s exactly what you would think, isn’t it, you disgusting piece of shit?”

            He staggered.

            “I am _so fucking sick_ of being defined by a label that I didn’t ask for!” you shouted. “And _you—_ you stupid, fucking asshole—you wormed your way right in, didn’t you? Hoping that one day I’d just get over everything and want to fuck you when I got in heat, that we’d bond and you could just take over my life and get me pregnant with a bunch of your little babies and make me take care of your house and spread my goddamn legs whenever you wanted me to? That’s what you fucking wanted, isn’t it? You fucking Alphas, you’re all the same, you’re soulless, predatory _monsters,_ and all you want is a little slave to take care of everything! Well, I’m not gonna fucking have it, _Alpha,_ I grew up in a family of those who tried to make me just that, they made sure I knew how worthless I was, how I failed them when I was born an Omega, and I swore to myself I’d never let a man make a slave out of me! And then _you_ come along, and you make me _like_ you, and then you go off and fuck another Omega and I realize you’ve basically manipulated me into being jealous—you’ve turned me into exactly what I _never_ wanted to be, a mindless, obedient, sex-driven, worthless _Omega!_ I hope you’re fucking happy with yourself!” You took a breath. “So go ahead, why don’t you fucking stick it between my legs? Come on, you fucker, it’s what you wanted, isn’t it?”

            Bucky turned on his heel and left.

 

“ _When_ are you going to stop hating yourself?”

            You wiped your tears and looked up. Wanda was standing at the door of your room, her face impassive.

            “Don’t make me repeat myself.”

            “…When I can get up in the morning and not be afraid to leave my house,” you answered after a charged pause. “When I can go to the store and not get stared at by men who seem to know that I’m in heat before I know it. When I don’t have to check ‘Omega’ when I apply for a job. When people stop looking at me like I’m a piece of meat. When they stop pitying me for what I am.”

            “That’s _never_ going to happen, Y/N,” Wanda responded, a bitter smile on her face. She shut the door. “There are always going to be people who pity you, who want to use you, who only look at your label. You’re always going to have to identify as an Omega in one way or another—no, shut up and let me talk. You’re _always_ going to be an Omega, even if you get that surgery, and the world is always going to know it. In a perfect world, you get what you want, and the world isn’t perfect. Even if one day, you don’t have to check ‘Omega’ on a job application, or if society changes enough that Alphas don’t stalk the streets looking for vulnerable Omegas… you’re still going to be one. You’re still going to have to use your own common sense and ask yourself if you really want to put yourself in a room full of Alphas while you’re in heat, just because you _can_ now.” She took your hands. “Even if you get that hysterectomy, you’re never going to be able to erase the life you had before it, or the person you became before you had your organs ripped out. You’re not going to magically love yourself because you’re going through menopause and you’re not in heat any more. You need to learn to accept yourself, Y/N, and love yourself for who you are… and that includes being an Omega.”

            “The world needs to-”

            “The world doesn’t fucking owe you anything,” Wanda interrupted. “Sure, there are things that need to be fixed. There are some horrible Alphas out there that get to Omegas in heat, even if they don’t want them, and rape them. There are still people who can’t accept the idea of a female Alpha and a male Omega together. There are people who can’t accept the idea of homosexual Alphas and Omegas. Hell, the world is still getting used to the idea of _humans_ doing that. There are handicapped people, Alpha, Beta, Omega, human, who will always have to check ‘Yes, I have a disability’ on a job application, despite the fact that it has nothing to do with their actual job performance, so their boss will know not to put them on duty unloading inventory! Even if the world gets it together one day, and Omegas no longer have to fear being on the streets alone, and gay humans get to be married and have equal representation in society, and whatever else, the world is _always_ going to look a little different to you. You. Can’t. Change. That. And there will always be people out there who want to do bad things. They will always slip through the cracks. They might gain power. All we can do is continue to make the world a better place… but you… you are hoping for a perfect world, simply because you want to erase who you are. And that isn’t going to work. That’s the most selfish reason I’ve ever heard of for wanting to fix the world, and I think you know that.”

            “I look at myself in the mirror every day and I hate what I am,” you whispered, your voice cracking. “All I see are my parents and my brothers and sisters looking at me and telling me that I failed them, that I’m worthless, that I’m not good enough for anything but being their slave. They locked me in a closet and let me go through heats alone, Wanda! They made sure I knew that my existence was tied to theirs, that if I didn’t get their meals or clean the house, or God forbid, if I accidentally ruined their carpet or their furniture during an unexpected heat, that I would get punished for it! And when I ran away and tried to start a normal life, tried to get a job and buy a house and be a normal person, I couldn’t do that! Every manager I met would look at ‘Omega’ on my job application and turn me down! I couldn’t get decent insurance because of the pills I was trying to take. If it hadn’t been the pills, it would have been the heats that kept me from getting insurance! My entire life has been dictated by this… _thing…_ that I never asked for, and it’s not fair!”

            “…Of course it isn’t fair,” Wanda agreed. “But life isn’t fair. And we can only change so much, and do it so fast. The world isn’t just going to shut down and update itself and come out perfect. There will always be bad people. Like viruses on a computer. Any update a computer does is a direct result of, and carries results due to, the viruses on it. Not acknowledging who you are doesn’t make who you are go away. And not acknowledging the parts of your life that suck because of who you are doesn’t make them go away, either. Any woman on the streets, no matter her label, is a little scared to walk alone at night. She shouldn’t have to be… and most of the world knows better than to just jump her because she’s alone. But we still live in a culture that blames women for getting raped.” Wanda offered you a Kleenex. “We can only take things one step at a time. One change at a time. And you know how you feel… but you should be channeling it into something productive. Like a protest. Maybe get involved in your local grassroots political organization. Write your senator. But the answer is _not_ to hate yourself because of it.”

            You sniffed.

            “Hating all Alphas because of who you are isn’t the answer, either,” Wanda admonished, staring you down. “Don’t you see, you’re doing exactly what you hate Alphas doing to Omegas? Labeling them, grouping them, hating them because of a label they didn’t ask for, either. Just because Alphas have more control doesn’t mean they get to ask to be an Alpha before they are born. Hate is hate… no matter who it comes from, or who it’s directed at. And you should know better. Bucky is an Alpha… but he’s never touched you, never looked at you like you’re just a toy, never even acknowledged your labels in front of you. He locks himself in a room on the other side of the tower whenever he goes into heat and deals with it alone, because he knows you’d never want anything like that from him.”

            “But I do… so what does that make me, besides another pining Omega-”

            “You didn’t fall for him because you’re an Omega and he’s an Alpha!” Wanda snorted. “You fell for him because he’s unfailingly kind and you like spending time with him. And because he’s hot. Don’t you dare say he’s not, because I’ve seen the way you look at him. And it’s not even an Omega to an Alpha look, so you can’t use that excuse—it’s ‘Jesus, look at that guy on supersoldier serum, it’s made him even hotter than he would be.’ It’s ‘that is the kindest, most understanding man I have ever met and I need him in my life because he makes me feel good.’ You fell for him because he’s _Bucky._ ”

            You burst into tears all over again; Wanda gave up and passed you the box. “Y/N… you’re not just an Omega. And the sooner you realize that your family was wrong, that you’re much more than what they made you… you’ll feel better.”

            “I was trying to make myself more!”

            “No, you were trying to erase it altogether,” Wanda corrected. “Your every action was dictated by a need to prove to yourself and to the world that you were more than just an Omega. You fell for it, even though you tried not to.”

            You let out a sob. “What do I do?”

            “Well… apologize to Bucky, for one. And then maybe talk to someone. I suggest Sam. You know him, you met him last week. He’s a counselor… and a normal human. It might be best to talk to someone who is removed from all the dynamics.”

            You nodded, got up, wiped your face, and put up your hair. “I really screwed up, didn’t I?”

            “Yeah, but we all do.”


	6. Six

“…Bucky?”

            He turned, his eyes cold.

You felt your heart break. “Can we talk?”

He gestured towards the chair.

“I’m sorry,” you blurted, and unfortunately began to cry again. “I was horrible—I was blaming you for something that wasn’t your fault—you didn’t ask to be an Alpha—I was so mad at myself—and I took it out on you. I’m so sorry, Bucky, I’m a stupid piece of shit-”

“You are not.” He cut you off, and while his voice was flat, emotion was coming back into his eyes.

“Yes, yes I am. I was doing exactly what I hated Alphas doing with Omegas—hating them all, making them all seem like one thing. You’re not a monster, Bucky, not because you’re the Winter Soldier, and not because you’re an Alpha. You’ve proved that to me time and time again. And I was so blind, so caught up in how I hated myself… my family got to me, and I tried so hard not to let them…”

“Y/N.” Tentatively, he put his hand on top of yours. “I don’t know what was done to you, but I know what it’s like to not be in control, and to hate yourself for what you are, for the things you’ve done, even if you didn’t choose to do them.” He took a big breath. “They knew I was an Alpha—HYDRA did. And they used it against me. They’d ignore my ruts altogether, or make me rape Omega prisoners…when they weren’t in heat. Sometimes I still dream about the screams…” He shuddered. “And Omega HYDRA agents would use me… deny me… satisfaction… because they got off on seeing an Alpha helpless. Sometimes other Alphas and Omegas would fuck in front of me while I was rutting.” His jaw clenched. “They tried to _make_ me an Omega… and when that didn’t work, they used the fact that I was an Alpha against me.”

“How the fuck…?”

His smile didn’t reach his eyes; slowly, he unbuttoned his pants and stood up. You leaned backward a little, unable to stop yourself. Bucky pulled down his underwear, revealing a massive cock—even limp, it was huge, and you felt your stomach drop. Without a word, he lifted it, and you saw an intricate little mix of lines, made by surgical instruments, webbed together near the neck. Your hand flew over your mouth.

He pulled his pants back up. “They tried to get rid of my knot while I was in a rut,” he explained. “They couldn’t do it, of course… but they did succeed in making me unable to have children… and now it hurts like hell whenever I _do_ have a knot. It’s forty-five minutes, maybe an hour, maybe more, of excruciating pain all throughout my lower body. I used to get nauseous, it was so bad.”

_“An hour?”_

“The serum. Like you said…” His mouth twitched. “The world doesn’t need an Alpha supersoldier.”

“Bucky… Bucky, I’m sorry…”

“It’s fine, it’s not your fault,” he told you before you could go on.

“I’m still sorry.” You hiccupped. “Really, I’m sorry, and I understand if you never want to talk to me again-”

“Of course I want to, Y/N,” he said, his mouth quirking upward. “Who else would I watch YouTube videos with?”

“Steve?”

“He got bored.”

“Well, that’s just…”

Bucky laughed.

“…It’s good to see you smile again.”

He caught your eye, and you gulped, unable to look away. “You said you were jealous of me being with another Omega,” he began, his expression hopeful.

You turned red.

“Were you? Really?”

“…Yes.”

He was fighting a smile, for your sake. “You know, Y/N… I really like you.”

“Why?”

“Because you make me feel at home,” he told you, the playful smile disappearing. “When you smile, I’m calm. I’m safe with you. Because you would rather talk about cats riding on vacuums than interrogate me about my time as the Winter Soldier. You saw a person underneath…” He waved his hand. “This.”

“Not exactly,” you muttered, reddening again, this time with shame.

“You did,” he reassured you. “Because you were so ready to ignore the fact that I was an Alpha and you were an Omega, you made me feel better. You were just… my friend. And that’s refreshing.”

“I’m sorry I ruined it-”

“You didn’t ruin it. You just… got scared. Which I understand all too well.”

“…Thank you, Bucky.”

“You’re welcome.”

 

At about two o’clock in the morning, you woke up to your stomach cramping horribly and your slick soaking the bedsheets.

            You moaned.

            “Miss Y/N?”

            “JARVIS…” you panted. “Air. I need air.”

            The vents in your room opened up and cool air shot through, enveloping you.

            “Is… is Tony awake?”

            “Yes, he is; do you need me to tell him to come to you?”

            “No… just… tell him… tell him to stop. Making what he’s making, I mean. It’s a little too late.”

            There was utter silence from JARVIS, but you couldn’t tell if it was because the AI was confused or if he was talking to Tony. Twenty seconds later, though, you heard the thump of anxious footsteps in the hallway, and Tony opened your door. “Y/N? What do you need?”

            “A fucking miracle,” you snapped through gritted teeth.

            “Those are Egyptian cotton,” he whined.

            “Oh my God, shut up and get-”

            “Way ahead of you,” Wanda interrupted. “I’m right here.” She came to kneel at your bedside and you noticed her ridiculous frog slippers. Your resulting snort caused a fresh wave of slick to gush out of you.

            “Expensive-”

            “Tony, hush,” Nat murmured, coming up to stand on your other side. “Y/N… you want an ice pack?”

            You nodded frantically, kicking the sheets as far away from you as possible.

            “Tony?” Bruce was at the door, hair tousled, a smear of soot on his right hand. “Is she—oh crap… I think I can get it done in another couple of days, but-”

            “I am _not waiting a couple of days!”_ you howled, and then slapped a hand over your mouth.

            “Y/N?” That was Steve; he was in pajama shorts with the shield in one hand, clearly alarmed by your shout. “Are you—oh.”

            “Can’t you all get the _fuck out?”_

“Now.” The word was soft, nonthreatening, but it was unmistakably an order. At the sound of it, you covered your face, mortified and defeated. Tony and Bruce caved instantly, disappearing. Steve shot Bucky a nervous glance, but at the expression on his face, backed out. Wanda squeezed your hand, but at the order from an Alpha, she walked away, too.

Nat squeezed your shoulder. “So help me, Barnes, if you fuck this up, I will end you.”

You saw his teeth shine briefly in a smile that wasn’t really a smile, and the terror at what you knew had to happen, combined with your need for it, made you curl up in the bed.

JARVIS spoke up. “No one will be witnessing the claiming?”

“It’s not a claiming,” Bucky growled. “It’s an emergency. And I’ve been watched enough in my life.”

You turned your head, and the smell of his need fell over you like a blanket. “Bucky-”

“Y/N…” He waved Natasha off. “You need this. If you want a chance at that surgery-”

“I know, just let me be pissed off for a second!”

He obligingly waited, standing at the foot of your bed like a rock wall.

“Are you in a rut?” you blurted.

“Doll, I’ve been in one for a solid week,” he told you, clenching his jaw. “I know how to hide it. HYDRA taught me well.”

“Bucky-”

He placed a warm, rough hand on your ankle, and you slapped the pillow over your face. You didn’t see him smile as he began to stroke your skin with a thumb.

“Do you… do you even want me?” you asked, slightly muffled.

His fingers tightened on your ankle. “You’ve got to be kidding me, Y/N. Of course I do. I wanted you since I laid eyes on you. I wanted you while you were singing that silly song that you just _had_ to show me on YouTube. I wanted you when I saw you swallow a quart of chocolate chip cookie dough in a fucking _hour._ I thought of nothing else but you when I was on that mission with Steve. I missed you. I wanted you to lay next to me and tell you stories.” He inhaled and released his grip on your ankle. “I want you. And not just because you’re fucking _dripping.”_

You groaned, your voice breaking. “Bucky… I’ve… I’ve never done this before.”

“I know,” he whispered, climbing on the bed next to you. “It’ll be okay, Y/N… it’ll be so good, I’m gonna make it so good for you…” He kissed you gently, sliding your pajama pants down and throwing them on the floor, then breaking the kiss and taking off your shirt. “Sit up, baby, come here.”

You did so without question, your eyes wide. He ripped off his pajama pants, then moved you to sit on the edge of the bed. He was already half-hard, and the sight of his cock made you mewl. He smiled. “Patience, baby. If this is your first and last real heat, we’re gonna do this right.”

He kissed you gently, lifting your head to his, and then left a trail of soft kisses down your neck and shoulder. You jumped when he bit you, not hard enough to leave a claiming mark, but hard enough to leave a small red bite. “You’re so soft… so beautiful…” he praised, his hands floating down to your hips, his thumbs rubbing circles as his mouth moved down to your breasts. He took a nipple in his mouth and tugged briefly. _“Kroshka… krasavitsa kroshka.”_

“Wh—what?”

            He looked up at you. “Beautiful baby,” he translated, smiling sheepishly. “Sorry, Russian was pretty much my first language for seventy years.”

            “I like it,” you told him, and smiled back. He knelt between your legs and grinned, kissing your stomach, then your thighs.

            “Bucky-”

            “ _Da, moy kroshka,”_ he soothed, and cupped you.

            You both groaned at the same time. Slow and careful, he drew a finger back and forth across your slit, then licked up your opening.

            _“Jesus!”_

“You like that, Y/N?”

            “Yes—yes— _please!”_

He slipped his finger inside you, and then slid his tongue in slow, easy circles on your clit. “Fuck… so wet…”

            You sighed, your thighs quivering a little. Bucky drew his finger out, then eased it back in, and you nearly came right then. Smirking, he lapped up your slick and began to tease your clit with his tongue in earnest, finally closing his mouth around it and sucking.

            “Bucky-”

            He added another finger, then crooked them both.

            You came with a low cry. Bucky took it, letting your hips ride his face, and when he looked up, you saw his beard glistening with your come.

            Your mouth dropped.

            He smirked and eased you up off the bed, sitting in the chair and guiding you onto his lap, legs astride his left thigh. “Ride me, doll,” he instructed, then gripped your hips and began to rock you, guiding your thrusts on his cock. “Get me all slippery with it… yeah, get yourself off like that, doll… _fuck.”_

The speed of your thrusts increased at his words, and soon he was no longer guiding you. His fingers plucked and rubbed at your breasts as you rocked on him, soaking him in your come, bringing yourself closer and closer to orgasm. Just before you came, he snatched your jaw, making you look at him as you finished.

            “Bucky…”

            “I know, Y/N… I know.” He lifted you up and eased you back on the bed, putting an arm under your back and lifting your hips. “Hold still for me now, baby.”

            Your eyes widened, and he stroked your hair with his free hand, calming you, and then leaned forward, positioning himself just outside your entrance. You shifted, and his free hand came down hard on your left hip.

            You whimpered.

            With a visible struggle, he let go, teeth flashing in his frustration. “Hold fucking still… please, Y/N,” he ground out, his eyes displaying the war between his instincts and concern for you. Taking a deep breath, you nodded, stilling under him. He stroked your clit a few times, and then slowly pushed in.

            Your mouth popped open. “God-”

            “Jesus _Christ,_ you’re so tight… you feel so fucking good, squeezing the life out of me… are you okay?”

            “Ye—yes… you breathed. “I think so…”

            He drew himself out, then thrust back in. You felt every inch of him, stretching you, easing your walls farther apart. It bordered on painful, but you needed it, and shifted under him, trying to tell him. He growled, deep in his throat, and thrust again. “You’re so sweet baby, you’re taking it so well…”

He was holding himself back, you knew it, you could see it all over him, in the way his eyes blazed, in the way his full mouth tightened and grimaced, in the way his muscles rippled and clenched as he moved. He wanted to claim you, you knew it—

            “Bucky…” Before you could think about it, before you could talk yourself out of it, you curled your hand into a fist around his hair and brought him down toward you. Steeling yourself, you bit the juncture of skin right between his neck and shoulder, hard enough to draw blood. “If it has to be someone, I wouldn’t want anybody but you.”

            He _roared._

You lost yourself then, completely giving yourself over to the feel of him thrusting repeatedly inside you, growling and groaning as he did so—you thought you felt a stinging pain in your neck as he bit down in the same spot you had bitten him in, drawing blood as he claimed you; a wave of pleasure rolled through you, and quite abruptly, you came. He followed, spurting repeatedly inside you, filling you with his seed, his muscles flexing—

            He swelled inside you, knotting, and you let out a whimper. “Bucky-”

            His elbows trembled, and abruptly, he lost his balance, crushing you briefly. “I’m—I’m sorry-”

            His voice cracked, and you suddenly remembered what he had told you about his knot. “Oh… Bucky, it’s okay, I’m here…” you promised, reaching up and stroking his shoulders and back. His legs quivered, and he buried his face in your neck. “Crush me all you want, honey. It’s okay, I can take it.”

            He grunted, the pain evident in the sound. You completely forgot your own. “Tell me a story,” you whispered, hoping to distract him. “About the forties. What was it like?”

            “Everything… everything was cheaper then,” he answered, exhaling shallowly. “Inflation is ridiculous.”

            You giggled, your muscles clenching his knot. He moaned.

            “Oh my God, Bucky, I’m so sorry-”

            “No… do that again, doll, it hurts less.”

            You blinked, but didn’t question, doing it again. As you did, you both felt something give, deep inside. You caught his eye, found yourself entranced by the flecks of silver and blue among the gray, and suddenly, you were no longer quite aware of him being knotted inside you; you couldn’t quite tell where he stopped and you began.

            “Shit… doll…I didn’t mean to bond-”

            “It’s okay, Bucky,” you said, offering him a brave smile. “I told you I wouldn’t want anyone but you.”


	7. Seven

“So, uh…” Tony coughed, giving you and Bucky a slightly nervous look. “We were trying to… uh… do that thing you wanted us to do, and…”

            Bucky rolled his eyes.

            “Well, we didn’t get that done, but we found something else,” Bruce covered for Tony. “Wanda told us what pills you were taking… and, well… we developed a new one.”

            Your eyes widened. You and Bucky had been together for a couple of months now, and you had fully accepted him as your Alpha when he had jokingly brought you a sandwich after one of your episodes. He smiled down at you, then looked back at Tony and Bruce. “A new kind of pill?”

            “Yeah… for both of you,” Bruce answered, smiling a little. “You were trying to stop your heats altogether… and there’s nothing that can do that. There’s also no pill in existence that can allow an Omega to control his or her heats… at least there wasn’t… until this.” He held up a small bottle of yellow pills. “These will allow you to control when you go into heat, Y/N. Take one, and you’ll be in heat within minutes.”

            You blinked. “Birth control doesn’t even do that.”

            “No… all it does it get your heats on a schedule… and even that’s erratic.” He smiled. “But… maybe after six months or so of getting used to these, you’ll only go into heat when you take one. Your life will be in your control.”

            Tears gathered in your eyes.

            Bruce held up another bottle of red pills. “These are for you, Barnes,” he told him. “They’ll make your heats shorter and less… uh, emphatic.” He went pink. “You’ll go back to being normal. They’ll also help the pain you feel when you get a knot. It won’t completely alleviate it… unfortunately, nothing can do that… but these can make it bearable. And since you two are bonded, you’ll sync up with Y/N. You’ll only rut when she’s in heat, after your body gets used to the pills.”

            He gawked. “I don’t care if you control my heats for the rest of my life, Y/N. I _want_ these.” He ripped the pills out of Bruce’s hand. _“Thank you.”_

You took your own bottle of pills with shaking fingers. “…Thank you,” you squeaked out. “I really don’t deserve-”

            “Yes, you do.” Bucky squeezed your shoulder. “You deserve everything you want in life, doll. Never doubt that.”

            Bruce smiled and Tony wandered over to another part of the lab, whistling.

            “So are you ready to get on someone else’s schedule, Alpha?” you teased, elbowing him.

            He kissed your hair. “If that’s the way you want it, Omega,” he said softly. “I wouldn’t mind belonging to you.”

            “I thought you already did,” you whispered, and kissed him.

 


End file.
